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Healing the Hurt roundtable raised questions as a way to bridge the knowledge gap between the apparently random acts of violence seen in Washington, DC, the behavior of teens directly and indirectly affected by grief and loss and the persistently high teen pregnancy rate.
DC Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy is grateful to the cosponsors of this event: Capital Hospice, DC Department of Mental Health, National Conference for Community and Justice, TAPP/Washington Hospital Center, and the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing.
Special thanks to the Church of the Epiphany, Advocates for Youth, Chevy Chase Bank, Region III DHHS Public Health Service, DC DOH State Center for Health Statistics and the Crime Analysis Office of the Metropolitan Police Department who made this roundtable possible.
Program
Setting the Stage by Cheryl Kravitz, National Conference for Community & Justice
A Closer Look, panel with:
Reources:
(from L to R): Cheryl R. Kravitz, National Conference for Community and Justice, National Capital Area Region, Brigid Coles Guttmacher, Capital Hospice Samantha Madhosingh, DC Department of Mental Health, School Mental Health Program, Loral Patchen, Teen Alliance for Prepared Parenting (TAPP) Program, Washington Hospital Center, Stephanie Handel, Wendt Center for Loss and Healing |
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(above) Event Participants
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Adolescents Facing Grief and Loss
Presentation by Stephanie Handel, Wendt Center for Loss and Healing
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
“We are more scared of living this life, than dying.”
These are the words of teens who have participated in a Teen Traumatic Death Grief group I facilitate. These teens are able to connect with every teen death – whether it happened in a car
collision, house fire or by a gunmen’s bullet- it all feels close and challenges their ability to be a young person and maintain dreams of success, happiness and a future. They speak of their fathers, brothers, uncles and friends- killed over jackets, money, joning and disrespect. They grieve death, they grieve opportunity, they grieve safety, they grieve potential.
Trauma and grief challenges and changes us. Trauma by its nature whether the result of abandonment, death or being victimized shatters the 5 core beliefs of individuals. The sense of safety, control, power, trust and self esteem become splintered affecting who we are and how we think, feel and behave. I use the metaphor of our bodies as a glass and a trauma as the rock which is thrown at the clean slate of glass within our bodies. The trauma rocks our core. It is this metaphor that continues to help me keep in perspective the lives of traumatized and grieving teens.
The rock which can represent an imprisoned father, CPS involvement because of neglect, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, a school shooting, a mother who dies of AIDS or breast cancer, stolen cars ending in deadly car collisions, nightly shootings and even the disempowerment as a human being because of class, race and assumptive intelligence. DC is like a hail storm leaving behind an often tattered and grief stricken community. Christopher, Walter, James, Eva, Jerod, Shawn, Nathan, Tita Marie, Nathaniel, Snoop, Arthur, Stephanie, Devin, Isaac, Marcus, Tinker – just a few of the names that have left behind bereaved teenagers.
In a community where hopes and dreams of a future are stymied by the reality of statistics like the following: black men between 16-24 are at the highest risk for death by murder, schools not graduating nearly 25% of a senior class, cuts in employment programs or the average DC resident has a reading level of 8th grade- grief is pervasive. Vulnerability and high risk behavior thrives in the teen that feels disempowered, disregarded and unappreciated. I believe the heart of this matter is that teens in this compromised, fragile state will engage in risky behavior. Teen pregnancy, drinking and driving, smoking dope, having multiple sex partners, stealing, and the list goes on. We are missing the issue if we do not look at teens engaging in risky behavior as a coping means. All survivors struggle to cope with the effects of trauma and grief and must find a way to continue to live. To live whole lives while pieces of themselves remain missing.
Female teens starved for love and attention are drawn to older men who prey on their vulnerability and make them feel special. Girls who are starved for unconditional love choose pregnancy to feed their need for acceptance and respect. Girls and boys who want to fill the gaping hole left behind by the death or loss of a loved one choose pregnancy because it is a false belief that attachment, emotional love and relationships can be replaced simply by bringing a child into the world. Boys who believe that early death seems to be their reality - leave behind a piece of themselves – a way almost of staying alive. DC teens choose pregnancy to feed their need not having a complete notion of what parenting is-but wanting to be competent in something and not wanting to feel the pain of their reality.
It is critical to consider that most often when a teen is grieving he/she is operating in a family who is also grieving. A parent overwhelmed by their own grief, often has difficulty being attuned to the needs of the children, especially teens – who often have difficulty conveying their needs. The role of the family - cannot be left out of a conversation addressing teen grief- keeping the teen connected, inviting and normalizing grief for all individuals in the family- helps to not further isolate a teen in their grief.
Helping teens grieve and focusing on building mastery and ego strengths helps solidify a base for making healthy and beneficial choices. A young person who is connected to community, valued by family, school and community is embraced into the notion of a valued self. An individual who is reared in a community that fosters the reality of a future, of success, of having a voice and having choice is far more in the position of taking advantage of what life has to offer as opposed to dismissing the possibility.
There is a lot that we can do as a community to support each other and grieving teenagers:
- We can give permission to ourselves to experience and feel all of our feelings- including sadness, anger, guilt, rage, frustration and maybe even relief. –Modeling grief behavior and the expression of feelings.
- We can acknowledge that grief is a process and doesn’t end a month or two after a death.
- We can grieve and live life simultaneously- life and grief are not independent of each other.
- We can recognize that it is real for teens to act out or become depressed months after, or even years after a death.
- We can normalize the language of and give permission to each other to talk about the dead and remember.
- We can pay attention to what our kids are feeling, thinking and NOT saying – we can take an active role in their lives.
- We can provide honest and accurate information.
- We can ask for help from professionals, so that the burden does not lie with you as individuals alone.
In closing, I feel that I must pay homage to the teens of this community. It is our duty to help find a way to give all teens a reason to embrace life, embrace potential and believe in the possibility of personal greatness.
To all those who have passed before us- ASHEI- Be with us, Join Us – for this conversation.
Additional Note Regarding Adolescence:
The Separation and Individuation process, a normal part of adolescent development, is a challenging time. The pieces of self are trying to find their place. For almost any teen it is a time of struggle to gain independence while maintaining ties to parent figures. This is a time of striving for the independence and respect of an adult, yet continuing to need the love and care like a child receives.
Participants
Cheryl R. Kravitz, APR, CFRE
Executive Director
National Conference for Community and Justice, National Capital Area Region
10 G Street, NE #430
Washington, DC 20002
P: 202-682-8710 x13
202-610-1624
Cheryl Kravitz is Executive Director of The National Conference for Community and Justice, National Capital Area Region. The NCCJ, founded in 1927 as The National Conference of Christians and Jews, is a nonsectarian human relations organization dedicated to fighting bias, bigotry and racism through education, advocacy and conflict resolution.
In this position, she oversees prejudice reduction programs for media, individuals, schools, police departments, businesses, labor unions, and associations in the entire Metropolitan Washington Area. She is also responsible for management of external relations, fundraising, volunteer development, and strategic planning. A survivor of domestic violence, Ms. Kravitz speaks and writes about her experience to help women who are currently being victimized and empower those who know them to assist through nonjudgmental support.
Prior to joining NCCJ in 1992, Ms. Kravitz served at the national and local levels of The American Red Cross in Washington, DC and Oklahoma. She directed the Radio/Television Department at National Headquarters and also served as National Manager of Campaign Development. In Oklahoma she oversaw communications, fundraising and membership. During her 15 years at the Red Cross she received 40 local and national awards for her accomplishments in community relations and communications.
Ms. Kravitz worked as a journalist in Chicago and Tulsa. In Chicago she was honored for her investigative reporting and in Oklahoma received awards for her column in The Tulsa Tribune. Currently, Ms. Kravitz contributes to The Washington Post, Washingtonian Magazine and others.
She is the past Program Chair of Leadership Washington. She was just appointed to the new Special Education Advisory committee by the President of the Montgomery County Board of Education and is a member of the advisory boards of the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse and the Mass Mutual Women's Group. She has served on The National Education Association Commission on Urban Children, WUSA-TV's community board, was an elected member of The Board of Education in Tulsa and taught journalism there and in Chicago.
Under her leadership, NCCJ was the 2002 winner of Leadership Washington's Community- Business Partnership award with The Washington Post. They received the award for the Building Bridges initiatives with media and prejudice reduction programs with youth.
Brigid Coles Guttmacher, MA, LPC
Community Outreach & Palliative Care Counselor
Capital Hospice
4401 Connecticut Ave., NW Suite 700
Washington, DC 20008
P: 202-244-8300
202-244-1413
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Currently Brigid Coles Guttmacher, MA, LPC serves as the Community Outreach and Palliative Care Counselor of Capital Hospice (formally Hospice Care of DC) in Washington, DC. Ms. Guttmacher has nearly 20 years experience with hospice, as a volunteer and a clinician. Ms. Guttmacher’s counseling and clinical experience includes Hospice of the Champlain Valley, Colchester, VT; Planned Parenthood of Northern New England, Burlington, VT; Counseling Service of Addison County, Middlebury, VT; and Capital Hospice (formally Hospice Care of DC), Washington, DC.
As Capital Hospice’s Washington DC Bereavement Coordinator for the past four years, Ms. Guttmacher provided support to family members and friends of hospice patients and members of the DC community after the death of a loved one. In her current position, Ms. Guttmacher focuses on community outreach, speaking on end-of-life issues to various groups as well as facilitating support groups for students in DC Public Schools after a crisis and long-term groups centered around issues of grief and loss.
Ms. Guttmacher is a founding member of DC Children’s Grief and Loss Network, a public/private collaboration to provide services and resources to the DC community in learning to cope with life’s transitions.
Ms. Guttmacher organizes Hospice Care of DC’s annual Tribute Lights: A Celebration of Life event, as well as staffing the Point of Hope Day Camps and weekend camp.
Stephanie Handel, MSW
Children’s Grief Therapist
Wendt Center for Loss and Healing
730 11th Street NW, Third Floor
Washington, DC 20001-4510
P: (202) 624-0010 x106
(202) 624-0062
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Stephanie Handel, MSW is a children’s grief therapist at the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing. Stephanie provides individual therapy and is the facilitator for a teen traumatic loss group and a co-victims of homicide children’s group. A member of the Wendt Center’s RECOVER team, Stephanie provides early intervention bereavement support and accompanies individuals and families during the identification process of a loved one at the DC medical examiner’s office. She was a mental health first responder at the Pentagon. Stephanie serves as the Director of Camp Forget-Me-Not, the Wendt Center’s 3 day grief camp for children who experienced a loss due to death. Currently, Stephanie is actively involved in research initiatives with the National Child Traumatic Stress Network. She has presented and published on topics of HIV/AIDS, children, 9/11, trauma, grief, loss and alternative interventions.
WENDT CENTER FOR LOSS AND HEALING:
The Wendt Center for Loss and Healing is the District of Columbia’s community expert in addressing grief, particularly grief in children. The mission of the Wendt Center is to provide direct services, education and advocacy to ease the impact of illness, loss and bereavement through respect for individuals and their experiences, an awareness of the pain of loss, and loyalty to people in times of illness and death.
Samantha Madhosingh, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist
SEED PCS, DC Dept of Mental Health-School Mental Health Program Ms. 4300 C Street, SE
Washington, DC 20019
P: (202) 248-3009
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Through Ms. Madhosingh’s training, volunteer and professional experience, she has had the opportunity to work with individuals and families coping with issues related to grief and loss, trauma (violence in the home and community), PTSD symptoms, substance abuse and co-occurring disorders, serious mental illness, sexual identity, teen pregnancy and sexuality/sexual health.
Ms. Madhosingh has done extensive research in trauma and related issues and was recently certified by The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children as a Trauma and Loss School Specialist and also a Trauma Consultant. She is also the President of the Advisory Board for the Thomas O’Farrell Youth Center in Maryland.
Ms. Madhosingh’s current volunteer experience includes Pediatric Care (assisting children affected by or infected with HIV/AIDs) and the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing. Ms. Madhosingh is also a member of DC Children’s Grief and Loss Network and the Capital Area Crisis Response Team (CACRT).
Ms. Madhosingh received her Doctorate of Professional Psychology from George Washington University.
Loral Patchen, CNM
Director
Teen Alliance for Prepared Parenting (TAPP) Program, Washington Hospital Center
110 Irving Street, NW East Building, G105
Washington, DC 20010
P: 202-877-7128
202-877-0804
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www.whcenter.org
Loral Patchen, CNM, has been a faculty member in the Department of Women’s Services at the Washington Hospital Center since 1999. She provides bilingual full-scope midwifery services to women at two community-based health centers as well as through the hospital’s outpatient Women’s Services clinic. Ms. Patchen also provides clinical supervision and instruction to both residents and medical students, and works with the Director of the WHC Resident Program to provide resident education in adolescent health care.
Ms. Patchen currently serves as the Director of the Teen Alliance for Prepared Parenting (TAPP) Program and the Center for Adolescent Women. The TAPP program provides obstetric, gynecologic, and family planning services to over 300 adolescents aged eighteen and under annually, as well as comprehensive youth development services. Since appointment as Director, the program has grown from one clinical site to three; lowered its clinical no-show rate by over fifty percent, and increased its funding base from $200K to $500K. Ms. Patchen received a nationally competitive five-year Federal grant awarded from DHHS, Office of Population Affairs for the TAPP Program in 2001.
Ms. Patchen’s clinical experience also includes training in providing services for IV drug users, sex workers, and the homeless through mobile health care units. She has a special interest in prevention of sexually transmitted infections, and has published in the area of HIV and perinatal transmission.
Prior to training as a nurse-midwife, Ms. Patchen worked in public health policy and research. At the Partnership for Child Health Care, her work included research on improving case management practices of non-formal practitioners for childhood illnesses in non-industrialized countries. In addition, Ms. Patchen worked for the Environmental Division at the World Bank, completing research in the area of social disarticulation with a focus on public health outcomes. Special populations considered included women, children, and refugees. Ms. Patchen’s field experience includes data collection for a National Institute of Health longitudinal study of chronic disease in Samoa, as well as work in Brazil, Western Samoa, and Fiji. Ms. Patchen served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Honduras from 1991 to 1993.
Loral Patchen graduated with honors from Brown University in 1990 with an undergraduate degree in Portuguese and Brazilian Studies. She also has a Master’s degree in international economics from the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies and a Master’s degree in nursing from Yale University.
Bibliography
Childhood sexual abuse and loss: an overview of grief and its complications for survivors.
Abstract:
This article discusses the grief and loss associated with child sexual abuse. Survivors experience loss of control over their bodies, the ability to trust, innocence, childhood, a positive self-concept and even the closeness they may have once shared with the abuser. Other losses occur: the disclosure may affect roles within the family or result in loss of relationships with family and friends. There may be abuse-related illnesses, loss of financial stability or interference with one's ability to achieve or maintain career goals. The phases of grief are described and their particular application to survivors of child sexual abuse. Complications for survivors may include the violent nature of the loss; the criminal nature of the loss; the stigma associated with sexual abuse; lack of adequate support; social status of the abuser; delaying disclosure of the abuse; dissociative and avoidance behaviors; revictimization; physical effects of abuse; multi-generational abuse; witnessing abuse; death of the abuser; and pregnancy resulting from abuse.
Peer survivors of adolescent suicide: perspectives on grieving and postvention.
Journal: Journal of Adolescent Research Vol 6 Number 1 Pages 113-131. January 91.
Authors: Mauk, Gary W.; Weber, Claudia.
Abstract:
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among adolescents. The peer survivors of an adolescent suicide experience a normal but individual grieving process. It is important that survivors be understood and that they receive appropriate ameliorative affective attention through postvention efforts by significant adults in their environment. An important setting for this intervention is the school, where adolescents spend many of their waking hours. Components of a grief time frame for adolescent suicide survivors, referral guidelines and factors to consider when implementing a school postvention program are discussed.
Helping adolescents cope with the death of a peer: a high school case study.
Journal: Journal of Adolescent Research Vol. 6 Number 1 Pages 132-145. January 91
Authors: McNeil, Joan N.; Silliman, Benjamin.; Swihart, Judson J.
Abstract:
The authors present an exploratory study of grief and coping responses of students in a rural Midwestern high school 18 months after a peer's death from leukemia. Evidence indicated both continued bereavement as well as several expected patterns of immediate grief and coping responses. Qualitative and quantitative comparisons of close and more distant friends of the dead peer indicated that whereas close friends were more likely to have had frequent thoughts about death, experienced difficulty discussing death and reported life changes following the peer's death, all students experienced some difficulty coping. Implications for individual and school system adjustment are discussed.
Bereavement in late adolescence: interventions on college campuses.
Journal: Journal of Adolescent Research Vol. 6 Number 1 Pages 146-156. January 91
Author: Floerchinger, Debra S.
Abstract
One of the developmental challenges that a college student may have to face is the death of a significant other - friend, spouse, relative, child, parent or pet. The focus of this study was to examine the potential effects of bereavement on college students based on a synthesis of previously published empirical studies and a review of the literature. Coping strategies specific to college students are discussed. Because the presence of suitable interventions may decrease some of the negative consequences of grief and may facilitate the developmental process, institutional and individual interventions are reviewed.
Positive outcomes of adolescents' experience with grief.
Journal: Journal of Adolescent Research Vol 6 Number 1 Pages 43-53. January 91
Author: Oltjenbruns, Kevin Ann.
Abstract
This study explored positive outcomes of adolescents' experiences of grief. Ninety-three late adolescents (mean age 19.4 years) responded to the question: "What positive outcomes, if any, do you feel were the result of your grief experience? Check all that apply." The most frequent responses were 1) have deeper appreciation of life (74%); 2) show greater caring for loved ones (67%); 3) strengthened emotional bonds with others (56%); and 4) developed emotional strengths (53%). Only 4 of the 93 subjects responded "none" or left all choices blank. There were no significant differences found related to response by sex or ethnicity; however, individuals with an internal locus of control as compared to an external locus of control did respond more often that they had better communication skills as a result of their grief experience. Findings are discussed as they relate to grief education and suggestions for future research.
Adolescent sibling bereavement symptomatology in a large community sample.
Journal: Journal of Adolescent Research Vol 6 Number 1 Pages 97-112. January 91
Authors: Hogan, Nancy S.; Greenfield, Daryl B.
Abstract
This study presents data on a recently developed instrument assessing symptomatology in a 13- to 18-year old community sample of bereaved adolescents. Adolescents assessed within 18 months of their sibling's death showed consistently high levels of grief symptomatology. A second sample assessed more than 18 months after their sibling's death reported lower levels of grief symptomatology. However, a significant group of adolescents in this second sample continued to have high levels of grief reactions. Groups high and low on reported grief symptoms, when the death had occurred more than 18 months earlier, were compared on the Offer Self-Image Questionnaire. The data revealed dysfunctional patterns of self-concept in adolescents with high grief symptom levels. This pattern was not evident in the adolescents who were able to normalize their lives despite the traumatic experience of having a brother or sister die.
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